please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
