this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
