just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
