I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
