I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
