He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
