At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
