last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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