Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
