Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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