They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
