you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
