watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
