The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
