You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
