I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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