I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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