The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
