Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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