I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
