Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
