Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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