Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
