Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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