You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
