WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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