There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
