you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
