i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
