my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
