There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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