I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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