I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
