Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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