peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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