How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
