I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
