I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I look better un-naked...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
