Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
