just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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