I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
