Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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