i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How external is "for external use only"?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
