still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
