i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
