I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
