the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
