Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
