We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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