So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
