just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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