I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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