I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
