I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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